One question that must be answered in a pursuit of the disciplines as a means of spiritual transformation is, "What are the disciplines?" To answer this, I've looked to those disciplines that Richard Foster has set out in his book Celebration of Discipline. Foster focuses on twelve disciplines which he divides into Inward Disciplines, Outward Disciplines, and Corporate Disciplines which are shown below.
Inward Disciplines
Meditation
Prayer
Fasting
Study
Outward Disciplines
Simplicity
Solitude
Submission
Service
Corporate Disciplines
Confession
Worship
Guidance
Celebration
Foster illustrates the interconnected relationship of the disciplines on the final page of his book:
"...meditation heightens our spiritual sensitivity which, in turn leads us into prayer. Very soon we discover that prayer involves fasting as an accompanying means. Informed by these three Disciplines, we can effectively move into study which gives us discernment about ourselves and the world in which we live. Through simplicity we live with others in integrity. Solitude allows us to be genuinely present to people when we are with them. Through submission we live with other without manipulation, and through service we are a blessing to them. Confession frees us from ourselves and releases us to worship. Worship opens the door to guidance. All the Disciplines freely exercised bring forth the doxology of celebration" (Foster 1998: 201).
These are the disciplines that I will be focusing on for the next year. I don't plan on it being perfectly planned out in the perfect way for a blog...because the blog isn't my primary focus in all this. I want the Lord. And, I want His Spirit working in me as He wills not as I will. So, we'll see where He leads, and I'll try to record things I've learned on here as a record of the power of the Spirit to transform lives.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Why Disciplines Aren't Enough
It's only been 3 days, and I've already felt my heart steering in the wrong direction. I've already admitted in previous posts that my natural bent is for activities and achievements. If I have a formula for success, I'm good to go...alone. But, the disciplines as God intends them are not about activities. They are about the heart.
I can't count the number of times that I have prayed or read my Bible or fasted or...or...or...and it hasn't done a thing in my heart. When I do the discipline to pride myself on having done it or to check it off my list, it's worthless. And, I feel it. There is no peace in my heart. Just more activities and more stress over everything I have to do. Satan loves this because it drives me away from the presence of the Lord. I want to flee from the pressure and the busyness.
But, that's not what the Lord has to offer. He wants to offer peace and rest. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28).
When I feel the weight of the disciplines and my to do list getting heavier, I know I'm getting off track, but I don't think this is cause to throw out the disciplines all together though. In the moments I've gotten off track, I've felt the pull of the Lord to honestly and humbly come before Him with no defenses and no hiding to take another inventory of my heart. In those moments, He's reminded me that He is gentle and humble in heart, and I will find rest for my soul in Him (Matthew 11:29).
The disciplines are only good insofar as they enable us to peacefully dwell in the presence of Christ and be changed by Him.
But, that's not what the Lord has to offer. He wants to offer peace and rest. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28).
When I feel the weight of the disciplines and my to do list getting heavier, I know I'm getting off track, but I don't think this is cause to throw out the disciplines all together though. In the moments I've gotten off track, I've felt the pull of the Lord to honestly and humbly come before Him with no defenses and no hiding to take another inventory of my heart. In those moments, He's reminded me that He is gentle and humble in heart, and I will find rest for my soul in Him (Matthew 11:29).
The disciplines are only good insofar as they enable us to peacefully dwell in the presence of Christ and be changed by Him.
In John 15:5, Jesus says, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." I will accomplish nothing by disciplines alone unless I stop the constant activity, and, in the midst of the disciplines, find myself abiding in the holiness of Christ.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Why Discipline?
To answer this question, the Lord laid on my heart 1Timothy 4:7-8, "Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come."
Physical training.
In the last decade, our culture has become aware of the physical decay of our earthly bodies. We've seen the negative impacts of indulgent foods loaded with sweets and indulgent lifestyles lacking in exercise. So, we've begun to discipline ourselves through diet and exercise, trusting that taking control over our bodies will reap the rewards of weight loss and longer life.
The reality with dieting and exercise is that we have to get a long-term perspective. We have to look at what we want our life to be, not what we want the next fifteen minutes to be. Do we want to be unhealthy and lethargic forever? If the answer is no, then we have to start making decisions in the short-term that are focused on the long-term. We have to start saying "no" to unhealthy food that we want now, in order to say "yes" to the healthy body that we want later. And, according to Paul, this training is good for us while we're here on earth.
Spiritual training.
The reality with spiritual growth is that we have to get a long-term perspective. We have to look at what we want our life to be, not what we want the next fifteen minutes to be. Do we want to be spiritual sluggards forever? If the answer is no, then we have to start making decisions in the short-term that are focused on the long-term. We have to start saying "no" to petty activities and worthless goals that we want now, in order to say "yes" to the godly life that we want later. And, according to Paul, this training is good for us while we're here on earth and good for us when we get to heaven.
The real paradox is that discipline now brings freedom later. It is only when we discipline our bodies through diet and exercise that we recognize that we have control over our physical bodies, and we lose weight and become healthy. In the same way, it is only when we discipline our spirits through things like prayer, meditation, fasting, simplicity, and solitude that we recognize that we have control over our sinful nature, and stop sinful thinking and habits and grow spiritually.
In short, spiritual disciplines show us that we are no longer controlled by the flesh and make us open to the work of the Spirit in our lives.
Physical training.
In the last decade, our culture has become aware of the physical decay of our earthly bodies. We've seen the negative impacts of indulgent foods loaded with sweets and indulgent lifestyles lacking in exercise. So, we've begun to discipline ourselves through diet and exercise, trusting that taking control over our bodies will reap the rewards of weight loss and longer life.
The reality with dieting and exercise is that we have to get a long-term perspective. We have to look at what we want our life to be, not what we want the next fifteen minutes to be. Do we want to be unhealthy and lethargic forever? If the answer is no, then we have to start making decisions in the short-term that are focused on the long-term. We have to start saying "no" to unhealthy food that we want now, in order to say "yes" to the healthy body that we want later. And, according to Paul, this training is good for us while we're here on earth.
Spiritual training.
The reality with spiritual growth is that we have to get a long-term perspective. We have to look at what we want our life to be, not what we want the next fifteen minutes to be. Do we want to be spiritual sluggards forever? If the answer is no, then we have to start making decisions in the short-term that are focused on the long-term. We have to start saying "no" to petty activities and worthless goals that we want now, in order to say "yes" to the godly life that we want later. And, according to Paul, this training is good for us while we're here on earth and good for us when we get to heaven.
The real paradox is that discipline now brings freedom later. It is only when we discipline our bodies through diet and exercise that we recognize that we have control over our physical bodies, and we lose weight and become healthy. In the same way, it is only when we discipline our spirits through things like prayer, meditation, fasting, simplicity, and solitude that we recognize that we have control over our sinful nature, and stop sinful thinking and habits and grow spiritually.
In short, spiritual disciplines show us that we are no longer controlled by the flesh and make us open to the work of the Spirit in our lives.
Friday, May 10, 2013
An Inventory of the Heart
I stated in my Honest Beginnings post that I didn't think it was possible to see true transformation unless I was honest about where I was starting. But, I realize that I was not clear enough in the last post about the things I'm struggling with. I gave too many words and not enough honesty. So, this time I've decided to make a list.
1) I have not been in the Word daily.
2) I have been enslaved to people pleasing--constantly wondering if my professors think I'm a good student or a slacker or if other Christians think I serve the poor enough.
3) I have used busyness as an excuse to hide from the Lord.
4) I have been intensely struggling with comparing myself to others in my achievements, frequently being very hard on myself if I was not the best or if I made a mistake.
5) I have been using achievements as a measure of my self worth.
6) I have been seeking my own glory rather than the glory of God.
7) I have not been serving the poor in my neighborhood. I've used busyness as an excuse.
8) I have not shared my faith with any non-believers in months. I've used the fact that my gifts are more in teaching and discipleship of believers to explain this.
9) My times with the Lord have been sporadic at best. Little prayers throughout the day, but little extended time spent with Him.
10) I have looked to my needs before the needs of others, including my husband's.
11) I have compared myself to others to make myself feel better about how I was doing.
12) I have felt guilty about the state of my heart.
13) I have felt the promptings of the Spirit and blatantly disobeyed them.
14) I have held on to the times that I was doing well spiritually and shared them with others to be impressive and convince myself I was a good follower of Christ.
15) I have been jealous of the friendships of others, wanting people to like me instead.
16) I have been angry when people have treated me unjustly or when I have perceived that they have treated me unjustly.
17) I have been defensive when others (especially my husband) have brought up things that they see in my heart that should change.
It's kind of ugly when you write it all out like that. But, it's also true, and it's an inventory of the parts of my heart that need transformation. I should say here that I think that Satan loves for us to compare ourselves to others whether it makes us feel good or bad about ourselves. But, comparing ourselves to each other is not wise (2 Cor. 10:12b). So, I pray that this list would not be used as a tool of Satan but as a reflection of the power and the redemptive work of God in the life of His children.
1) I have not been in the Word daily.
2) I have been enslaved to people pleasing--constantly wondering if my professors think I'm a good student or a slacker or if other Christians think I serve the poor enough.
3) I have used busyness as an excuse to hide from the Lord.
4) I have been intensely struggling with comparing myself to others in my achievements, frequently being very hard on myself if I was not the best or if I made a mistake.
5) I have been using achievements as a measure of my self worth.
6) I have been seeking my own glory rather than the glory of God.
7) I have not been serving the poor in my neighborhood. I've used busyness as an excuse.
8) I have not shared my faith with any non-believers in months. I've used the fact that my gifts are more in teaching and discipleship of believers to explain this.
9) My times with the Lord have been sporadic at best. Little prayers throughout the day, but little extended time spent with Him.
10) I have looked to my needs before the needs of others, including my husband's.
11) I have compared myself to others to make myself feel better about how I was doing.
12) I have felt guilty about the state of my heart.
13) I have felt the promptings of the Spirit and blatantly disobeyed them.
14) I have held on to the times that I was doing well spiritually and shared them with others to be impressive and convince myself I was a good follower of Christ.
15) I have been jealous of the friendships of others, wanting people to like me instead.
16) I have been angry when people have treated me unjustly or when I have perceived that they have treated me unjustly.
17) I have been defensive when others (especially my husband) have brought up things that they see in my heart that should change.
It's kind of ugly when you write it all out like that. But, it's also true, and it's an inventory of the parts of my heart that need transformation. I should say here that I think that Satan loves for us to compare ourselves to others whether it makes us feel good or bad about ourselves. But, comparing ourselves to each other is not wise (2 Cor. 10:12b). So, I pray that this list would not be used as a tool of Satan but as a reflection of the power and the redemptive work of God in the life of His children.
Honest Beginnings
I feel that the only way that true spiritual transformation can be seen over the course of the next year is by being honest about where I'm beginning.
I'm tired, and I'm weak. I have spent the last year striving. Last May, I broke down exhausted and defeated after not making it as successfully as I had hoped through grad school. But, even then, I persisted. I pushed, and I pushed, and I pushed. I would invite people over for lunches when I literally had to take a nap on the floor of my living room while they were still at my apartment. I would continue to go to classes, even though the drive to school alone made me so tired that I would have to nap under my cubicle 10 minutes before the class would start. I was so tired. After a fever struck for over a week, I finally realized I was sick. Really sick. So, for two months, I quit life. It was glorious, and I learned a great deal about rest. And, about how measuring your worth by your productivity is an American construct not necessarily a godly one. But, as I lay unable to accomplish things...I was desperate. Desperate for my identity back. And, as soon as I was healthy again, I was ready to earn it back.
Slowly, over the last 8 months, I've accumulated more things to do. Things that make me feel accomplished and busy and good that I'm making other people happy. And, again, I'm tired. It's not that I've forgotten everything I learned from having mono. In fact, I've tried to incorporate some leisure activities from that season of life into my new schedule. I've done things just for fun to give myself a break. But, even the fun has become another thing on my to do list.
When I finally stopped to take a breath, I heard the Lord speak. And, He revealed to me that I would never find rest even in my restful activities because true rest can only be found in Him. This whole time I've been striving--never willing to stop long enough to be at peace in His presence. I think I was afraid. I knew I wasn't giving Him the time that He deserved. So, I made myself busier to have an excuse to flee from His piercing gaze.
But, of course, when I finally stopped to stand in His shadow, I did not find the fiery blazes of anger I expected but the gentle, cool breeze of His tender affection. And, I was at peace--for the first time in a long time. Peace.
I am hungry for more. I want more peace. I want less busyness. I want fewer accomplishments. I want less competition. I want less living for other people. I want a life characterized by the transformation of the Holy Spirit to make me more like Christ to the glory of God the Father. And, I want the transformation to be lasting. I'm tired of being half-hearted. I'm tired of growing cold.
So, here I am. Tired. Weak. Enslaved. And, I want to be free.
I'm tired, and I'm weak. I have spent the last year striving. Last May, I broke down exhausted and defeated after not making it as successfully as I had hoped through grad school. But, even then, I persisted. I pushed, and I pushed, and I pushed. I would invite people over for lunches when I literally had to take a nap on the floor of my living room while they were still at my apartment. I would continue to go to classes, even though the drive to school alone made me so tired that I would have to nap under my cubicle 10 minutes before the class would start. I was so tired. After a fever struck for over a week, I finally realized I was sick. Really sick. So, for two months, I quit life. It was glorious, and I learned a great deal about rest. And, about how measuring your worth by your productivity is an American construct not necessarily a godly one. But, as I lay unable to accomplish things...I was desperate. Desperate for my identity back. And, as soon as I was healthy again, I was ready to earn it back.
Slowly, over the last 8 months, I've accumulated more things to do. Things that make me feel accomplished and busy and good that I'm making other people happy. And, again, I'm tired. It's not that I've forgotten everything I learned from having mono. In fact, I've tried to incorporate some leisure activities from that season of life into my new schedule. I've done things just for fun to give myself a break. But, even the fun has become another thing on my to do list.
When I finally stopped to take a breath, I heard the Lord speak. And, He revealed to me that I would never find rest even in my restful activities because true rest can only be found in Him. This whole time I've been striving--never willing to stop long enough to be at peace in His presence. I think I was afraid. I knew I wasn't giving Him the time that He deserved. So, I made myself busier to have an excuse to flee from His piercing gaze.
But, of course, when I finally stopped to stand in His shadow, I did not find the fiery blazes of anger I expected but the gentle, cool breeze of His tender affection. And, I was at peace--for the first time in a long time. Peace.
I am hungry for more. I want more peace. I want less busyness. I want fewer accomplishments. I want less competition. I want less living for other people. I want a life characterized by the transformation of the Holy Spirit to make me more like Christ to the glory of God the Father. And, I want the transformation to be lasting. I'm tired of being half-hearted. I'm tired of growing cold.
So, here I am. Tired. Weak. Enslaved. And, I want to be free.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Mono, Marriage, and a Master's...and a Journey toward Spiritual Transformation
I haven't posted in a while. Turns out that 10 months filled with mono, marriage, and a Master's will do that to a blogger.
Anyway, I hope to be back for a while. For a year at least! :) This all stems from the fact that I've recently been reading Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline, and I've decided to start a year-long journey through the spiritual disciplines as a path to spiritual transformation. I've been a devoted follower of Christ for about ten years, but I've become discontent with the complacency and lack of desire that still dwells in my heart and squelches the work of the Spirit in my life. As I've been reading Celebration of Discipline, I've been convicted that I've been listless in my walk with God. I've lacked the discipline that it takes to train my heart out of that complacency and lack of desire.
So, I'm starting today. May 10, 2013. Kind of an odd, middle-of-the-year kind of date. Why start today of all days? Well, I heard a few weeks ago in a Chapel talk by a fellow student that the best indicator of what you will do tomorrow is what you've done today. I was struck. Over the last ten years, I've come up with so many dreams for my Christian walk. I've had visions of how consistent I want my times with the Lord to be, how fervent I want my prayers to be, how sincere I want my love for others to be. And, I've frequently said, "Yes, I want that...and I'll start tomorrow." But, the best indicator of what I will do tomorrow is what I did today. So, here I am. Today. Starting.
I pray that this journey would give us a clearer picture of how spiritual transformation actually happens. I think that we frequently hold on to our spiritual aspirations expecting them to happen over night in a flash (which they could, knowing the Spirit). But, I think often, spiritual transformation happens in the small decisions and in the menial moments of life. Over time we can look back on the culmination of all those menial moments and see the fruit of the Spirit making us more like Christ. I hope that this blog can be a testimony to the work of the Lord in all those trivial matters of life. May He daily helps us to walk and not grow weary as we follow Him.
Anyway, I hope to be back for a while. For a year at least! :) This all stems from the fact that I've recently been reading Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline, and I've decided to start a year-long journey through the spiritual disciplines as a path to spiritual transformation. I've been a devoted follower of Christ for about ten years, but I've become discontent with the complacency and lack of desire that still dwells in my heart and squelches the work of the Spirit in my life. As I've been reading Celebration of Discipline, I've been convicted that I've been listless in my walk with God. I've lacked the discipline that it takes to train my heart out of that complacency and lack of desire.
So, I'm starting today. May 10, 2013. Kind of an odd, middle-of-the-year kind of date. Why start today of all days? Well, I heard a few weeks ago in a Chapel talk by a fellow student that the best indicator of what you will do tomorrow is what you've done today. I was struck. Over the last ten years, I've come up with so many dreams for my Christian walk. I've had visions of how consistent I want my times with the Lord to be, how fervent I want my prayers to be, how sincere I want my love for others to be. And, I've frequently said, "Yes, I want that...and I'll start tomorrow." But, the best indicator of what I will do tomorrow is what I did today. So, here I am. Today. Starting.
I pray that this journey would give us a clearer picture of how spiritual transformation actually happens. I think that we frequently hold on to our spiritual aspirations expecting them to happen over night in a flash (which they could, knowing the Spirit). But, I think often, spiritual transformation happens in the small decisions and in the menial moments of life. Over time we can look back on the culmination of all those menial moments and see the fruit of the Spirit making us more like Christ. I hope that this blog can be a testimony to the work of the Lord in all those trivial matters of life. May He daily helps us to walk and not grow weary as we follow Him.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Forgiveness
Somehow forgiveness seems so elementary to the faith, yet I've come to realize that I don't even really know what it is. What does it look like? How do I do it? When someone has wronged me, how exactly do I forgive them? Or, how do I know I have forgiven them? Do I forget what they did? Do I cease to deal with the problems that were caused? Do I pretend like it didn't happen? Do I cease to feel the pain that was caused? I think the answer is a firm "no" to all of these questions. Even if I tried to answer them with a "yes" and tried to "forgive" in that way, I don't think it would be the most emotionally healthy way of dealing with the issues. But, if none of those things are forgiveness, what then, is forgiveness?
The Bible has a few things to say on the topic, but the one verse that I've learned from the most in recent days is Ephesians 4:32, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
Okay, so this verse could be read in a couple different ways. I should forgive because God forgave me, or I should forgive in the same way that God forgave me. For now, let's go with the "same way" reading. So, if we are to forgive in the same way that God did. How did God do it?
Basically, through Christ's death, God took our sins and our punishment and placed them on Christ. He removed our garment of shame and replaced it with Christ's garment of white. In Christ, we have been made righteous. When God looks on us, he sees his Son. God sees Christ's perfect record instead of our sinful record.
So, if that's how God forgave us, then, that must be how we can forgive others.
I've come to think of it this way. When someone wrongs me, I must first honestly admit the wrong they have done and the hurt and the pain they have caused. If I am not honest in this first step, I will not be able to truly forgive them. However, once I've done that, I then remove that stain from their record, and I place it on Christ's record. Then, I replace their sinful record with Christ's righteous record. In other words, whatever good and holy thing Christ did or would have done in that situation, I credit that to the one who did me harm.
In more practical terms, I've found it helpful to take out a piece of paper. On the left side, I make a very specific list of the wrong things that were done or the hurt that was caused. Then with a single strikethrough, I cross out the wrongdoing in red pen. Then I draw arrows from each of the wrongdoings, and I replace each one with a righteous act of Christ. When I'm done, I have a list of their old, sinful acts that are all crossed out in red on the left side, and I have a list of their, new righteous acts on the right side. And, this becomes their new record. Sometimes I just read through all the righteous acts, and it fills me with peace and love for the person who caused me harm. Christ's blood has covered every sinful act and replaced them with his righteousness, and that brings joy and freedom.
By the way, I only strikethrough the sinful record once because sometimes Satan tries to speak lies to me and get me to keep a record of their wrongs again, but when I hear those lies, I look back at the list. I see that that sin has been covered, and I reread the righteous act that now stands in its place.
I'm not entirely sure if this is totally theologically sound, but it has definitely helped me get through the hurt that comes along in life and feel peace and love when I look at the ones who caused the hurt. So, take it with a grain of salt, and I pray that the Lord can use it to bring healing in your life as well.
The Bible has a few things to say on the topic, but the one verse that I've learned from the most in recent days is Ephesians 4:32, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
Okay, so this verse could be read in a couple different ways. I should forgive because God forgave me, or I should forgive in the same way that God forgave me. For now, let's go with the "same way" reading. So, if we are to forgive in the same way that God did. How did God do it?
Basically, through Christ's death, God took our sins and our punishment and placed them on Christ. He removed our garment of shame and replaced it with Christ's garment of white. In Christ, we have been made righteous. When God looks on us, he sees his Son. God sees Christ's perfect record instead of our sinful record.
So, if that's how God forgave us, then, that must be how we can forgive others.
I've come to think of it this way. When someone wrongs me, I must first honestly admit the wrong they have done and the hurt and the pain they have caused. If I am not honest in this first step, I will not be able to truly forgive them. However, once I've done that, I then remove that stain from their record, and I place it on Christ's record. Then, I replace their sinful record with Christ's righteous record. In other words, whatever good and holy thing Christ did or would have done in that situation, I credit that to the one who did me harm.
In more practical terms, I've found it helpful to take out a piece of paper. On the left side, I make a very specific list of the wrong things that were done or the hurt that was caused. Then with a single strikethrough, I cross out the wrongdoing in red pen. Then I draw arrows from each of the wrongdoings, and I replace each one with a righteous act of Christ. When I'm done, I have a list of their old, sinful acts that are all crossed out in red on the left side, and I have a list of their, new righteous acts on the right side. And, this becomes their new record. Sometimes I just read through all the righteous acts, and it fills me with peace and love for the person who caused me harm. Christ's blood has covered every sinful act and replaced them with his righteousness, and that brings joy and freedom.
By the way, I only strikethrough the sinful record once because sometimes Satan tries to speak lies to me and get me to keep a record of their wrongs again, but when I hear those lies, I look back at the list. I see that that sin has been covered, and I reread the righteous act that now stands in its place.
I'm not entirely sure if this is totally theologically sound, but it has definitely helped me get through the hurt that comes along in life and feel peace and love when I look at the ones who caused the hurt. So, take it with a grain of salt, and I pray that the Lord can use it to bring healing in your life as well.
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