Somehow forgiveness seems so elementary to the faith, yet I've come to realize that I don't even really know what it is. What does it look like? How do I do it? When someone has wronged me, how exactly do I forgive them? Or, how do I know I have forgiven them? Do I forget what they did? Do I cease to deal with the problems that were caused? Do I pretend like it didn't happen? Do I cease to feel the pain that was caused? I think the answer is a firm "no" to all of these questions. Even if I tried to answer them with a "yes" and tried to "forgive" in that way, I don't think it would be the most emotionally healthy way of dealing with the issues. But, if none of those things are forgiveness, what then, is forgiveness?
The Bible has a few things to say on the topic, but the one verse that I've learned from the most in recent days is Ephesians 4:32, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
Okay, so this verse could be read in a couple different ways. I should forgive because God forgave me, or I should forgive in the same way that God forgave me. For now, let's go with the "same way" reading. So, if we are to forgive in the same way that God did. How did God do it?
Basically, through Christ's death, God took our sins and our punishment and placed them on Christ. He removed our garment of shame and replaced it with Christ's garment of white. In Christ, we have been made righteous. When God looks on us, he sees his Son. God sees Christ's perfect record instead of our sinful record.
So, if that's how God forgave us, then, that must be how we can forgive others.
I've come to think of it this way. When someone wrongs me, I must first honestly admit the wrong they have done and the hurt and the pain they have caused. If I am not honest in this first step, I will not be able to truly forgive them. However, once I've done that, I then remove that stain from their record, and I place it on Christ's record. Then, I replace their sinful record with Christ's righteous record. In other words, whatever good and holy thing Christ did or would have done in that situation, I credit that to the one who did me harm.
In more practical terms, I've found it helpful to take out a piece of paper. On the left side, I make a very specific list of the wrong things that were done or the hurt that was caused. Then with a single strikethrough, I cross out the wrongdoing in red pen. Then I draw arrows from each of the wrongdoings, and I replace each one with a righteous act of Christ. When I'm done, I have a list of their old, sinful acts that are all crossed out in red on the left side, and I have a list of their, new righteous acts on the right side. And, this becomes their new record. Sometimes I just read through all the righteous acts, and it fills me with peace and love for the person who caused me harm. Christ's blood has covered every sinful act and replaced them with his righteousness, and that brings joy and freedom.
By the way, I only strikethrough the sinful record once because sometimes Satan tries to speak lies to me and get me to keep a record of their wrongs again, but when I hear those lies, I look back at the list. I see that that sin has been covered, and I reread the righteous act that now stands in its place.
I'm not entirely sure if this is totally theologically sound, but it has definitely helped me get through the hurt that comes along in life and feel peace and love when I look at the ones who caused the hurt. So, take it with a grain of salt, and I pray that the Lord can use it to bring healing in your life as well.
