A Confession

I haven't been doing well with the disciplines over the last month. It started during the last two weeks of school. I kind of gave myself a break because I had so much work to do, which I think is fine. I don't think that God is just waiting to get angry at us for not spending time with Him (though I do think it is to our detriment when we don't spend time with Him).

However, one of the major stumbling blocks to my spiritual growth through the disciplines during this time off has actually been this blog. When I took my little unexpected hiatus, little fears tiptoed into my mind. I started to wonder what people would think. Would they criticize my lack of discipline and follow-through? I started making sure I had an excuse that I could give them to explain why I had been away so long. I wondered if my spiritual regression would be noticeable when I started blogging again. I wondered how I could write a blog that was Spirit-filled or seemed Spirit-filled when I wasn't feeling filled with the Spirit. I started approaching my quiet times with the Lord in hopes of getting some nice spiritual gem to write about, but it needed to be good. People were watching.

I realized today that the blog has become a burden because I've made people's opinions my god. But, it's better for me to enter the kingdom of heaven with no blog than to enter the gates of hell with a blog filled with showy, idolatrous entries.

So, there's my confession. I'm not sure if this means that I'll take a break from blogging. Being convicted of my idolatry, confessing it, and shifting my perspective to again make this a place for me to be able to process what I'm learning and to keep a record of the Lord's work for the Lord's glory may be just what I needed to reclaim the blog as a tool rather than a stumbling block. We'll see in the days to come.

Explanations and Excuses

Whew! Sorry for the long break! I just finished up my grad classes on Monday and started nannying full time this week. I still haven't gotten a new computer since mine got stolen, so I can only write when I borrow Don's computer.

Anyway, enough with explanations and excuses.

I've actually learned a lot about feeling guilty about my times with the Lord over the last two weeks. I'll hopefully share soon! :)