So, I was planning on journaling just for myself; however, I recently saw a few other interns' blogs, and I now feel obliged to write one myself. :) For those of you who don't know, I am preparing (or, well, should be preparing...haven't quite started yet) to serve as an intern with Mission Indy in the inner city of Indianapolis for the summer. This blog will hopefully be a good way to keep in touch and up to date on what God is doing in the city and in my heart.
Where my physical preparation has lacked, God's spiritual preparation has abounded. Once accepted, we interns were told to read Lee Camp's Mere Discipleship prior to arriving in Indy. Since I got the book in mid-March, I have been slowly but surely making my way through. When I first began reading, I was honestly somewhat angry at the bold claims this guy was making. He challenged everything I thought I knew about the church and the way it is established in America and in the world today. He challenged alot of the assumed lines that run between "good" and "evil", conservative and liberal, Republican and Democrat. But, Christianity isn't about those at all. Too often we agree with what one party or side says assuming it is the Christian viewpoint without ever having actually compared the beliefs to the truth of the Word. What a slap in the face. I really wanted to just shut the book and forget about it because it hurt too much, but I didn't.
As I have continued reading, I have begun to see just how flawed we are in our thinking. I am not so sure that Americans have a "right" to kill those who are doing wrong or injustice in the world today. After all, didn't Jesus command to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you? I am not so sure that we Americans should think that God is somehow on our side because we are the dominate world power. Hasn't almost every kingdom assumed that God was on their side? Yet, if you look back into the Old Testament, an earthly kingdom was never how God intended it, but his people begged for it. Jesus did not establish the kingdom that his followers expected. His was a kingdom of paradoxes to the world's line of thinking. I am not so sure that the hope of Christ is meant to be spread through the government of a nation so much as it is through the faithful people of God who are willing to follow Christ even onto the cross. We are called to radically love. Love God and love people. Are we really doing that? Do we even know what that means? After really studying what scripture has to say about the issues discussed, Lee Camp is on the mark with Christ's teaching. And my original reaction to his radical Christianity was not a great deal different than that of the Pharisees' reaction to Jesus' radical faith. Ouch!
Just writing some of these things still hurts. It hurts to know how blinded I have been to scripture for years. It hurts to try to give up deeply ingrained beliefs held for so long. But, as Camp states, "This is a great irony of American Christianity: exalting the nation that affords us "freedom of religion," we set aside the way of Christ in order to preserve the religion we supposedly are free to practice." If I have seen the truth of the scriptures, how can I deny them for the sake of upholding the beliefs of my country? It also hurts to know that these beliefs will make many people and many other Christians angry. But, I am learning that Jesus never called us to be liked by everyone. For goodness' sake, he certainly wasn't liked by everyone. He even tells his followers not to be surprised if the world hates them because they hated him first. Again, I cannot worship and praise Christ unless I am willing to submit to him as Lord and follow him through the suffering of the cross.
Beyond Mere Discipleship and the study of his Word, God has been preparing my heart through answered prayer as well. He provided abundantly in the financing of this trip. I am learning more and more how to trust him in this. He is always faithful. Furthermore, I have prayed that he would break my heart for the city. In the past year, I have done more missions work outside of the country than inside. There are just as many hurting hearts here though. I knew I needed some major changes in my perspective before I could serve in the city here. Since I began praying for change, even in the small things, I have noticed a difference in my attitude. We went to Chicago last week for the Cubs game. What an eye-opening experience to ride the L. So many people from everywhere. Literally. So many people who are so desperate for something more. Today, at church we saw a video about the people impacted by the inner city mission in a town nearby. People who were so desperate for something more. Through the love and faithfulness of God's church there, they were brought into fellowship with Christ. That is what I long for this summer. I just want to be humble and faithful, so that I can be used. He must become greater. I must become less.
Please pray with me that God would continue to break my pride. Pray that I would be weak so that his power would be made perfect in me. Pray that we would fall at His feet knowing our unworthiness, but sharing the grace with others who are just as unworthy. And pray that we would have eyes to see the works that are set out for us and the boldness to do those in the power of the Holy Spirit. Pray that His love would abound in us.
