Blessings in a Blow Up

I got back to Dallas last night. My friend Michal picked me up from the airport and dropped me off at my car which had been parked at school for the last month. We parted ways (after talking wedding plans, of course), and I got in my car to make my way home. I made it a whole 10 feet before I knew something was seriously wrong. My car was virtually army crawling backward out of the parking spot. I got out to find the reason for its clunky gait only to find that my right, front tire had exploded at some point over the last month. The tire was still in tact but all the tread had exploded into shreds around it.

Though this was not what I had expected upon my arrival back home, I have been so blessed to discover all of the ways that God has protected me and taken care of me through it.

First of all, right after Michal dropped me off, she went to go pick up her siblings, but something or rather Someone ;) compelled her to come back around the parking lot and make sure I knew she hadn't deserted me before I'd made it in my car. She then gave me a ride home. I'm grateful for her help and for God's prompting her to come back.

Second, it happened while no one was driving the car. The week before I left Dallas, I knew something was wrong. The car was pulling to the right a lot and the steering wheel shimmied at high speeds. I had asked my roommate's dad about it, and he checked the lug nuts and things seemed to be fine. So, I kept driving it  giving other people rides back and forth 30 miles multiple times that week. I am so grateful that God protected us from an exploding tire while driving on the interstate and let it explode when it was sitting for a month.

Third, I normally live in an area with refugees and many immigrants; however, I had decided to park my car by school for the month. I'm so glad that it burst in the parking lot at school instead of my apartment parking lot. Changing a tire(when I really didn't know how) in front of lots of men who often stand around in the parking lot would have probably made me feel a little uneasy, but the parking lot at school was a perfect/open place to change it.

Fourth, Christy, the girl I'm staying with for the month, knows how to change a tire and had all the proper tools. And, she offered to get up this morning at 6:30am to get so I could get to Firestone to replace it by 7 when they opened. I'm so grateful she was here and was so knowledgeable and helpful. She was a real blessing.

And, I got my tires replaced by 8am this morning after discovering that the one tire was blown at 8pm last night. 12 hours (with about 8 of those being sleeping hours), and the problem was fixed.

I just feel grateful for the Lord's protection and provision today. And, of course, not all circumstances in life turn out as great as this one did, but just because I can't bank on things being so easy all the time doesn't mean I can't or shouldn't praise Him when they do.

"...give thanks in ALL circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

People Laugh When They Play

I've been reading a book called Poking Holes in the Darkness by Jaki Parlier. It's about the author's experience as a Wycliffe missionary in PNG. I've only read the first section, but she begins by describing in detail her first experience in a PNG village, and I found it fascinating. It reminded me of my first moments in a village. So, I thought I should record those moments before I forget them in a flurry of other memories stored in my brain. Here goes!

After an entire afternoon and early evening of traveling up (or down...I don't remember which) the river in Martha's fiberglass boat (which was so loaded down with cargo and people that the boat started to flood when we took off), we arrived at an unknown village at dusk. 

Martha's boat with too much cargo and too many passengers.

The "boss crew" puttered on by the village, but the people called out from the shore warning us that we shouldn't keep going all night. They said that there were many big trees ahead in the river and that we would ruin our boat if we kept going in the dark. So, we turned around and decided to spend the night in their village. This was, of course, not part of the original plan. We were supposed to arrive at Martha's house by nightfall, but as is usually the case in PNG, plans are always subject to change. So, we got out of the boat and started pulling things out that we would need for the night. However, because we had not planned on staying anywhere, nothing was easily accessible. The men spent nearly 30 minutes searching through the cargo for tarps, mosquito nets, flashlights, etc. However, Don and I stood by as helpless onlookers given that our feet were quite unaccustomed to wading around in the 12-inch deep mud that ran along the shoreline. The Papua New Guineans, on the other hand, somehow manage not only to maintain their balance but also to emerge from the muddy mess spotless. One day, I'll learn their secret. I'm determined. :) 

Once they gathered the necessary sleeping materials, we headed up the mud-covered side of a cliff which was a perfect perch for the village houses and overlooked the river below. The villagers told us that they lived in a swamp. They weren't kidding. The sound of the air being suctioned out of my shoes was heard with every step through the muddy and watery terrain. Martha (a villager not the missionary) carried a flashlight as she walked in front of me. She swayed her arms back and forth with the normal rhythm of walking, but each time there was a tree root or any other obstruction in my path, she would hold the flashlight back toward me so I could see the way. But, she never stopped or changed her pace, she just kept walking passing her light on to my feet. When we got to the top of the cliff, there were several houses (more like huts) all gathered in one area. There were lots of little dogs too. There were baby pigs running around at our feet as we made our way to the hut we would sleep in for the night. Once we set our stuff down, several of us gathered around a fire on the ground. We squatted or sat on little "footstools" which were about 2 inches off the ground near the gentle flames. 

Papua New Guineans often squat instead of sitting on the ground. 

Someone had some music on their phone (yes, they have cell phones without electricity), so we listened, and I entertained them with my wild and crazy American dance moves (mainly shoulder shrugs and head bobs) as the night came to a close. This was the night I kept convincing myself to talk with the girls who had come along (see previous post "I'm no conversationalist"), but after asking them what one of their names was and receiving only an embarrassed giggle in reply, I, bewildered and exhausted,  went to my bed on a tarp in the corner of the hut. (They lay tarps down to sleep so that the mosquitoes don't come up through the bamboo floor boards and eat them alive). Typically, you would sleep with a mosquito net hanging up as well, but we couldn't find ours, and I said it wasn't a big deal for one night. I covered up with the blue lap lap I had worn as a skirt (don't worry, I had long basketball shorts on underneath), and I went to sleep. Well, kind of. Those bamboo boards are about as comfortable as they look. I spent most of the night rolling over and trying to find a position that would allow me to fall asleep without simultaneously making my limbs fall asleep. I was not so successful. 

The next morning, we arose with the sun, and we gathered our belongings and got in the boat and headed back out on the river in pursuit of Martha's house. As we continued up (or down?) the river, we stopped at several other villages selling "flex cards" (which are credit for cell phones) and letting various passengers on and off the boat. In one village, we stopped the boat, and everyone seemed to be getting off. I had thought this was just another routine stop, but as it turned out, we were planning (or rather they were planning) to have breakfast in this village because it was the home village of our guide's mother. 

This is what I consider my first real experience in a PNG village. As I walked up the side of the mud-covered (but less swampy) cliff of this village, I was greeted by several Papua New Guineans. At the top, there were many huts scattered about on the flat soil. Fires smoldered in front of each of the houses sending the aroma of fall cookouts in the US wafting into the crisp morning air. 

Each of the houses had a small fire (see bottom right of the photo) which smoldered throughout the morning. 

The Papua New Guineans told me and Don to sit down in the hut while they made breakfast which consisted of roasted bananas, rice, tin fish, and roasted corn on the cob. Truly a breakfast fit for the king (or two Prime Ministers in this case)!

The hut that Don and I sat in while they cooked our breakfast. 

Chickens and roosters pecked and bawked all over the ground. One of the villagers brought us over a slice of papaya. I'd never eaten the orange-colored, soft and squishy fruit, and the texture mixed with my filthy hands, the hoard of flies buzzing around my head, the chickens on the ground, and the smell of smoke was enough to make me want to vomit. Don noticed my queasy expression and told me it was okay if I didn't want to eat it, but I was determined! I lay back for a bit to let myself adjust to my surroundings before making my stomach adjust to the food. And, Don said, "So, this is your first National Geographic village experience, huh?" And, that's precisely how it felt--like walking through a magazine. Everything was so surreal. The houses, the palm trees, the cooking, the animals. It was just like the pictures. But, this was real life! As I struggled to grip hold of reality, one of the Papua New Guineans brought us some corn on the cob to eat. Corn had never tasted so good! It was nothing like our corn in Illinois. It was tough and hard to chew and had a totally different flavor, especially because it was smoked, but it was just what I needed. I felt a rush of closeness to my home. I felt like these people weren't so different. They ate corn on the cob after all! 

 

And, from that point on, I was okay. I watched with intrigue and curiosity, but things didn't seem so shocking. I watched a group of Papua New Guineans kick a soccer ball and hit a volleyball back and forth. They laughed as they played. Things weren't so different here. People are just people. Even when they look different, talk different, walk different, cook different, smell different, eat different. People are people. And, they laugh when they play.  

Conflict Resolution

Every four years my campus ministry has brought in Randy Gariss from College Heights Christian Church in Joplin, Missouri,(http://www.alifetimelove.com/bio.htm) to talk about marriage and relationships at our annual winter retreat. Back in 2009, I bought his DVD "A Lifetime Love" which has six video sessions on issues that married couples often deal with. He offers much practical advice about dealing with in-laws, finances, and conflict. But, of all the topics, the one aspect of his teaching that I've put into practice the most so far is "how to have a healthy Christian fight". 

Randy bases his teaching on Ephesians 4 and 5. He states that there are three components of a healthy Christian fight: speaking the truth in love today (Eph. 4:25-27), being humble (Eph. 4:32, 5:21, and edifying the other person. You don't have to accomplish those three steps in that order, but whenever you address a conflict, disagreement, or hurt you should always have those three components. I know it sounds simple, but it has definitely changed the way that I deal with conflict.

Before hearing those simple principles, I would avoid dealing with conflict--that would just hurt people's feelings. But, then, instead of speaking with the person I had the conflict with, I would go tell others about how unfair they were being. But, there was no hope of reconciliation in that! Half the time, the other person didn't even know they had hurt me. I've learned though that although it is painful at first, confronting conflict is always the best option. Almost every time, my heart has been softened after dealing with the conflict, and my relationship with the other person has been restored to a much better state than it was before. 

Here's an example of how one might "hang something on each of the three hooks" of a healthy Christian fight. It's based on one of Randy's examples about a worker who continually arrives late and the boss wants to address it: "Hi Susan, can we talk for a few minutes? I wanted to talk with you about the time that you've been getting here in the morning. First of all, let me say that you are a great employee. You are a hard worker, and I know I can count on you to get your tasks done and done well. And, I really appreciate that dependability. (EDIFICATION) However, recently I've noticed that you've been arriving later and later. You know it states in our policy that you are to be here by 8:30, and I would appreciate if you made a more concerted effort to be here by that time. (SPEAK TRUTH IN LOVE) But, I also need to apologize because I should have dealt with this issue sooner--in fact, I should have dealt with it the day that it first bothered me. Each time it's happened, I've gotten more frustrated, and I've let bitterness creep in. I'm sorry about that, and I'm sorry for the way that that has affected our relationship recently. (BE HUMBLE)"

I know that many people feel this might sound idealistic, but it really is that simple. However, it requires that you think and pray over your time of confrontation and that you notice the conflict as soon as it arises. You cannot go into a time of addressing a conflict without prayer and reflection and expect yourself to be so fair. Often times when we're angry and especially when we've put off confrontation (and let bitterness creep in and allowed Satan to get that foothold (Eph. 4:25-27)), it's very hard for us to see any good in the other person. It's also very hard for us to see any wrong in us. But, if this is the case, we can be SURE that we are not ready to confront the other person because we certainly would not be speaking truth, it wouldn't be in love, and we wouldn't be humble.

Try this in your next conflict. It takes practice and discipline, but even though I'm far from perfect at dealing with conflict now, Randy's teaching's really helped me learn how to better deal with problems when they arise. Let me know what you think! :)