Of all the books I've read over the last few months, the one that impacted me the most by far was The Excellent Wife. Martha Peace takes a much more "conservative" stance on the role of women today than I was used to. But, something about her spirit and her heart in the style of relating she described was so beautiful, so humble, so strong, and so feminine.
She believes that it is the wife's chief responsibility to make her husband's life easier. Wives should wake up every morning and ask their husbands, "What can I do to help you accomplish your goals today?" And, a wife is to be obedient to her husband in all things unless he is asking her to sin.
Now, I know what you're probably thinking, "Whoa! Are we rewinding the tapes of time to set ourselves back in the 1950s with June Cleaver?! What about women's lib? We have been freed from that kind of tyranny!" As I've discussed these ideas with people, I've come to see that they really aren't accepted in today's culture. But, as I've discussed these ideas with God and his Word, something about them is so appealing.
I should interject here that never in a million years (prior to now) would I have EVER said that this submission sounded appealing. In fact when Don asked my dad for my hand in marriage my dad told him, "She's a very independent little girl who needs a lot of attention." And, it was true! I wanted to be the center of everyone's world, and I wanted to conquer the world--BY MYSELF! But, somehow I'm realizing just how selfish, insecure, weak, and un-Christlike my attitude was.
I think that Jesus gave us human relationships to give us glimpses into his character and into how we relate to him and his kingdom. And, the relationship between a husband and wife is one of the clearest pictures that we have of the relationship between Christ and the Church. The Church seeks to have Christ's mission as its mission. The Church should wake up every morning and ask the Lord, "What can I do to help you accomplish your goals today?" Should we not do the same as wives to our husbands?
1 Peter 2 and 3 talks about submitting to every human authority even those who are harsh because that's the example that Christ set for us even as he was being crucified. And Philippians 2 says that though Christ was equal to God he didn't not consider equality with God something to be held onto, but he submitted himself unto death. Jesus was God. He knew what God knew and did what God did, but when he came to earth he gave that up. Jesus says throughout the Gospels that he only knows what his Father tells him and he only does what his Father tells him to do. Should we as wives not follow his example? Though we are equal to our husbands, we choose joyfully to submit to their authority "out of reverence for Christ" as it says in Ephesians.
I grew up hearing that men were supposed to lead, but I didn't grow up hearing that women were supposed to submit. But, these two things are not mutually exclusive. No authority can lead if his followers aren't willing to submit. His requests will never be carried out. And, anytime that he makes a mistake, he will be chastised by the people who were supposed to be in his corner, on his side, cheering him on. This disrespect breeds paralysis for the leader. Today's American culture is filled with books on leadership and seminars and conferences on how to be the best leader out there. But, what about followers? We NEED followers--faithful followers. Proverbs talks many times about how faithful servants are the delight of kings. Our leaders and our husbands will be left crippled if we don't learn how to faithfully follow.
So, what's the number one reason we don't follow? FEAR. We do not trust that God knows what is best for us. We do not trust that our husbands know what is best for us. We think that we must protect ourselves because no one else will. But, even in biblical times, God knew this would be the case. 1 Peter 3:6 says that we will be like Sarah (Abraham's wife) if we submit ourselves to our husbands and "do not give way to fear." It's a scary thing, no doubt. But, God has given us many protections as his daughters. We have the right and the responsibility to *biblically* (following Matthew 18) reprove our husbands when we feel they are not acting in line with the Scriptures. And, we are certainly free to express our opinion if it differs from our husbands, but we should express it one time so as not to become the dreaded nagging wife of Proverbs. And, as long as he's not asking us to sin, we should follow him in obedience even if he chooses something different than we would have.
God knew that when any two people would come together there would be a power struggle. In fact, he promised it to Adam and Eve when they sinned in the garden. He told Eve that "her desire would be for her husband, but he would rule over her." There's debate on what that means, but I definitely see in my flesh a desire to be in charge, but I see in my spirit a desire to follow my husband. God knew this struggle would be there, so he laid out in Scripture who submits: children obey your parents, slaves obey your masters, lay people obey the government, wives obey your husbands. There is such freedom in this! It doesn't mean we aren't equal. It means that Scripture has told us which one of us decides to submit. It gives us this incredible freedom from a million little arguments that we would have had because no one had the ultimate say. So many of those trivial matters are solved before they even arise. And now, we are free to truly live as Philippians 2 says, "without complaining and arguing," and we will "shine like stars in the universe."
I think for me, the most beautiful and most surprising part of all of this was beauty of the spirit of a woman. The way she approaches her husband is so powerful. It's so gentle but it's filled with bridled strength. Often times we think of the women who fight for their rights and refuse to submit to anyone as the strong ones, but I'm beginning to see that submission requires great strength. It's a death to yourself for the sake of someone else. It is losing your life so that you will find it. Submission brings great freedom and great joy. It's not losing the battle--it's winning the war. Satan is vanquished over and over when we submit to our husbands. May we be given the strength and grace to be obedient. And, in our obedience may our beauty come not from outward adornment but from that of our inner selves, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight (1 Peter 2:3-4).
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