Culture Shock?

Shocking, isn't it? Unfortunate as it is, I think I have experienced a little culture shock these last few days. I think it was really a culmination of things: getting laughed at when I used Spanish incorrectly, getting scolded for going out for chocolate and churros after a big dinner, not having a community of believers here, missing my family, etc. All of these events escalated to the point of tears at the lunch table yesterday.

Originally, when I got here, I knew my Spanish wasn't perfect, but I thought I could use it well enough to communicate. However, once I got here and used my Spanish in class and learned what was correct and incorrect, my perfectionist side kicked in. I hate making mistakes. (I know, I know...major issue...need to get over it...gonna make them my whole life...haha). Suddenly, after having been laughed at for saying I had my throat taken out instead of my tonsils...oops!...I realized just how much I was butchering the language, and I didn't want to use it anymore! Besides, it was much easier to use English. You don't have to think so hard!

Additionally, my señora got really upset with me the other night because I told her that I was going for chocalate and churros after I had eaten a huge dinner. I found out that that is not the way it works in Spain. She explained to me for ten minutes or so in a raised tone and at a faster pace than usual that you eat that instead of dinner because it is so heavy. She said I should have told her I was doing that, and then I shouldn't have made dinner. Oops. I am a people pleaser, and I get really shaken up when I feel like I have disappointed someone especially authority. I wanted to cry.

Because I haven't had the Internet at my house, it has been very difficult to stay in contact with my family back home. We have been emailing somewhat, but they are short and definitely don't convey all that I want to tell them. To see lots of our other friends getting on Skype freely with their friends and family has been hard. I miss you mom and dad! :)

Again because of the Internet situation, I had a really hard time getting a hold of Cortney and Miguel, the missionaries here. However, we did randomly end up at the right church on Sunday due to its location near our house, and it was great to be a part of a community again. I really really want to get plugged in there soon. So far, they said that students are really returning until October, so it doesn't look like things will start until then. I need to be a part of a body here desperately.

All of these crazy circumstances culminated to the point of tears yesterday at lunch when my señora gave me two huge porkchops and half a plate full of green beans, and I couldn't finish eating it all. I told her I was full, and she said it was because I had gone out for chocolate and churros the night before. She said I had eaten way too much and that is why I still wasn't hungry. I proceeded to tell her that I thought it was because there was so much food on my plate. I told her that until that point I had been eating everything on plate because I thought it was rude not too. But, I said I was leaving every meal feeling sick because I had eaten so much. Of course, this was when the tears started to flow. She told me to stop crying because I look ugly when I cry (she was laughing when she said this...but, the Spaniards are blunt...haha). She said that I should have said something before that because she thought I just ate alot! :) She said she would start giving me less food. Yay! I said I was sorry, and she said it was okay because we just didn't know one another's customs. She gave me a hug, and then I went back to my room and slept. :)

Since the tears flowed yesterday, things seem to have gotten better. I still have a hard time talking in Spanish with people and in class because I don't want to make mistakes. I also still really want to get involved in our church. Please continue to pray for these things. I have been blown away in these past few weeks with how God answers prayer. We have such power when we have faith that He is able to supply our needs. Keep praying. I love and miss you all!